“Home to an estimated 3.7 million people in 2007, 334 people were murdered in Phoenix's Maricopa County in 2006 giving it a murder rate of 9.01 murders per 100,000 people.” (Gabrielson, 2009)
The FBI’s Uniform Crime Reporting (UCR) Program defines murder and nonnegligent manslaughter as the willful (nonnegligent) killing of one human being by another. (FBI UCR, 2006) I am comparing the occurrence of murder and nonnegligent manslaughter in the year 2007 between two Arizona cities, Phoenix and Chandler.
In the year 2007 in the city of Phoenix the amount of violent crime that occurred were 11,159 incidents, of that 213 were murders. In contrast, Chandler, Arizona had only 823 violent crimes and only 9 reported murders. These two cities are only a half hour freeway ride away from each other but drastically different when it comes to violent incidents and murder.
When looking at the data from the year prior, 2006 obviously the rates have dropped or stayed the same. In 2006 in Phoenix the violent crime rate was higher at 11,194 and number of murders was higher as well at 234 murders reported. In 2006 for Chandler, the violent crime reported was 959 and the same amount of murder at only 9 murders reported.
“The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office announced Thursday that homicide in its jurisdiction dropped by 28 percent in 2008. In 2007, the sheriff's office documented 32 murders, but only 23 were recorded last year. MCSO serves more than 300,000 residents, primarily those living in small towns and the county's rural stretches. Cities that have their own police departments are not included in the crime statistics, though they are within the sheriff's jurisdiction.” (Gabrielson, 2009)
Many different factors may exist for certain areas having higher rates of crime than others; one of those reasons is illegal immigration in my opinion. In Phoenix Arizona high numbers of illegal immigrants make their homes here to work. I do personally believe that a good deal of the crime is committed by people who are not in our country legally and Phoenix Arizona where I live is very close to the border of Mexico.
“A Tribune investigation last year found that during 2006 and 2007 - the first two years that the sheriff's office conducted operations targeting illegal immigrants - emergency response times slowed dramatically and arrest rates plummeted. The sheriff's office also reported steep increases in homicide, robbery and aggravated assault during that span.”
"What this will do is create in Mexico a cesspool of America's worst Mexican offenders," said Robert Locke, assistant chief of the extraditions unit in the San Diego County district attorney's office. "Justice is being prevented from happening in our communities because any Mexican facing a death sentence or life in prison will be kept down there. It's almost something you don't want to talk about because you would not want word of it spreading among criminals."
Unfortunately, many people who are in the United States illegally can get away with murder if they are Mexican citizens and make a run for the border after committing their crimes. American scholars who study Mexican foreign policy say they don't expect the extradition issue to be resolved soon.
I have personally lived in both cities of Chandler and Phoenix Arizona and do believe in a matter of time Chandler will be affected more by the illegal alien population. The process of extraditing a Mexican citizen from Mexico is nearly impossible.
The population difference between Phoenix and Chandler is another factor that may explain the difference in crime occurrences, 250,868 was the number of residents in Chandler for 2007 and 1,541,698 in Phoenix for the same year. That is quite a difference. Another possible factor is median household income which was $70,456 in chandler for 2007, and only $48,061 median income for Phoenix residents.
In my opinion safety is a desired feeling but in the state of the world, regardless if you live in Chandler or Phoenix you need to be aware of your surroundings at all times. Bad things can happen no matter where you live or visit so find a happy medium of safety, not to on edge or paranoid, but don’t think it can’t happen to you either. Americans generally have one chance in 133 of being murdered in his or her lifetime, according to the Government's first study of the risk of violent crime. (2009)
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Social responsibility my ass.............
Examine the most common reasons for not reporting crimes to the police. Discuss how these illustrate either the social problems or social responsibility perspective.
There are many reasons that people fail to report crime. Insurance rates usually go up if we are talking about property damage. Domestic issues are kept quiet when possible and there are many people that engage in mutual combat. Fear, shame, guilt, can all be reasons that people fail to report crime. Social problems perspective is saying that people are not actually responsible for their problems, and that society should have prevented their problem. Social responsibility theory says that individuals make choices to commit crime, and have to take responsibility instead of blaming lack of programs available to them. Personally I think that the social problems perspective is just a cop out. People need to make a choice to do what is right despite of their circumstances or what is available to them, you have to fight and be the example that no matter what you are born into you can still do well. I cannot stand when people want to waste their whole life talking about their mother did this and their friend made them try drugs, take some responsibility in what your future holds, change things do better than all the people thought you could just because you can. Otherwise be that same old person at the end of your life talking about what you could have done if others would have just done this or that.
There are many reasons that people fail to report crime. Insurance rates usually go up if we are talking about property damage. Domestic issues are kept quiet when possible and there are many people that engage in mutual combat. Fear, shame, guilt, can all be reasons that people fail to report crime. Social problems perspective is saying that people are not actually responsible for their problems, and that society should have prevented their problem. Social responsibility theory says that individuals make choices to commit crime, and have to take responsibility instead of blaming lack of programs available to them. Personally I think that the social problems perspective is just a cop out. People need to make a choice to do what is right despite of their circumstances or what is available to them, you have to fight and be the example that no matter what you are born into you can still do well. I cannot stand when people want to waste their whole life talking about their mother did this and their friend made them try drugs, take some responsibility in what your future holds, change things do better than all the people thought you could just because you can. Otherwise be that same old person at the end of your life talking about what you could have done if others would have just done this or that.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Hallelujah anyways...............
Despite my situation I still feel God he never really leaves... My baby Isabella was sick and I had a very profound moment when I knew I could not control the situation and I said God your will be done. That is a scary situation to be in but I know God does do everything for a reason. I was questioning my spirituality before and my connection with God because of the situation with my husband. I am not saying God made me go through the sickness with my daughter to be malicious because God is not malicious, but he will seek you and do what it takes to pursue people and sometimes that means we have to go through things, this life is very temporary and no matter what happens that isn't fair or hurts me .......Hallelujah anyways that is the highest praise!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Death Penalty Paper
“In the United States, about 13,000 people have been legally executed since colonial times.” (Robinson, 2009)
The death penalty goes back to eighteenth century B.C. in the Code of King Hammurabi of Babylon. The death penalty was punishment for all crimes during this time; the method was less than humane and was carried out by drowning, crucifixion, beating to death, burning alive, or impalement. In Eleventh century A.D. William the Conqueror would not allow anyone to be hanged except in the case of murder. In the year 1608, Captain George Kendall is the first known person recorded to be executed in the colonies. In 1632, Jane Champion is the first woman to be executed in the colonies.
In the famous essay by Cesare Beccaria in 1767 On Crimes and Punishment; he theorizes that no justification can be found in taking a human life. Beccaria was very much concerned with punishment being given only when the social contract was violated to ensure others abide by the rules. Beccaria argued that criminals must be judged on not their intent but the degree of injury the criminal caused. He believed that punishment was a tool to prevent future crime from occurring. Beccaria said that crime should be prompt, public, necessary, the least possible in the given circumstance and dictated by the laws. Beccaria was in the classical school of thought and considered a contemporary in his time, he believed that criminals could control their behavior and choose not to commit crime and could be deterred.
In the late 1700’s the abolishment movement begins in the United States. (DPIC, 2009)By the early 1800’s in the United States the penitentiaries are being built and the states are reducing their number of capitol crimes. In 1834 Pennsylvania is the first state to move executions to the correctional facilities. In 1890 the first man is put to death by electrocution in Michigan. His name was William Kemmler and his lawyer did appeal citing that electrocution is cruel and unusual punishment. (DPIC, 2009)
The early 1900’s marked the beginning of the “Progressive Period” of reform in the United States. The Progressive Era was a busy time the history of our country, everyone came together to make a better society in which to live. During this period of change nine states abolished the death penalty for all crimes or strictly limit the use of the death penalty. By the 1920’s-1940 the abolishment movement was losing support in America. In 1924 cyanide gas is introduced as a form of execution. By the 1930’s executions reached an all time high in American history of about 167 executions per year. In the year 1948 The United Nations General Assembly adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights proclaiming a "right to life.” (DPIC, 2009)
The death penalty was suspended during the summer of 1972, the case of Furman v. Georgia. Supreme Court effectively voids 40 death penalty statutes. The death penalty was reinstated in the 1976 case or Gregg vs. Georgia. Each state could individually decide if they wanted to practice the death penalty after this point. In 1977 Oklahoma becomes the first state to use lethal injections as a method of execution. In 1982 Charles Brooks becomes the first person put to death by lethal injection. In 1998 Karla Faye Tucker was put to death after many appeals and pleas for her sentence to be commuted to life from the pope and other religious leaders. In November of 1998 over 30 various inmates that were at one time on death row came together they had all been freed because of their innocence. The majority of these people had been freed on new evidence from new scientific techniques. (DPIC, 2009)
The Religious majorities in the United States from what I have gathered are the Catholics; they do not support the death penalty. The Judah Christian population do support the death penalty based on scripture from the Old Testament. The Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Assemblies of God has not taken an official position on the death penalty. The Amish have historically been the most opposed to the death penalty.
“Anyone who strikes a man and kills him shall surely be put to death.” Exodus 20:12. “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). This should not be used to indicate that Jesus rejected capital punishment in all instances. Jesus was simply exposing the hypocrisy of the Pharisees. The Pharisees wanted to trick Jesus into breaking the Old Testament law; they did not truly care about the woman being stoned. That is confusing to me if Jesus supported the death penalty or not.
Romans 13: 1-2 states, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” The Bible states several times that Christians are to stay out of political issues. The Bible is conflicting on the issue of death penalty in my opinion, it tells us “eye for an eye” and then “love your neighbor” this makes it hard to come to a definite conclusion regarding what the Bible supports.
In 1994, President Clinton signed the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act that expanded the federal death penalty to some 60 crimes, 3 of which do not involve murder. The exceptions are espionage, treason, and drug trafficking in large amounts.
In January of 1999 Pope John Paul II visited St. Louis Missouri and called for an end to the death penalty. Amnesty International believes that "The death penalty is the ultimate denial of human rights. It is the premeditated and cold-blooded killing of a human being by the state in the name of justice. It violates the right to life...It is the ultimate cruel, inhuman and degrading punishment. There can never be any justification for torture or for cruel treatment."
Most of the democratic countries in Europe and Latin America have abolished capital punishment over the last 50 years, but United States, most democracies in Asia, and almost all totalitarian governments retain it. The eighth amendment of the United States of America guarantees protection from cruel and unusual punishment and many people argue that the death penalty is cruel and unusual. In the case of Roper V Simmons the United States Supreme Court ruled that individuals under the age of 18 when a crime was committed could not receive the death penalty because in was considered cruel and unusual punishment. (Robinson, 2009)
In February of 2008 the Nebraska Supreme Court ruled that electrocution could not be used because it was cruel and unusual punishment. During the process of death by electrocution, it is unknown what truly happens to the human body. I agree that electrocution is cruel and unusual punishment and should not be practiced. Benjamin Franklin said, "It is better 100 guilty Persons should escape than that one innocent Person should suffer.” This statement makes a good point, what about those that are innocent? I realize that there may be innocent people in jail sentenced to die, and hopefully they will be cleared by evidence. The DNA evidence and different scientific evidence has progressed so much in the last decades that the judicial system can now sentence a person to the death penalty with a degree of certainty that they are guilty of their crimes. Erikson, J (2006)
In June of 2002 the landmark decision was handed down by the Supreme Court ending the execution of people whom are mentally retarded. In Atkins v. Virginia, the Court upheld it is a violation of the Eighth Amendment ban on cruel unusual punishment to execute death row inmates with mental retardation. (DPIC, 2009)
In the state of Arizona Between April 1962 and April 1992, no executions were performed. Six aggravating circumstances can be considered in deciding whether or not to impose a death sentence in the state of Arizona. Currently 123 inmates sit on death row in Arizona, 86 are Caucasian. Of the 123 inmates on death row only two are female. A total of 23 inmates have been executed in Arizona since 1992.
My recommendation as a consultant to the Department of Justice in the state of Arizona is to continue to use the death penalty. I find that the death penalty is a 100% effective guarantee that the sentenced criminal will not commit crime again. Death penalty would be more of an effective deterrent to other criminals if the sentence was carried out in a timelier manner.
The death penalty provides incapacitation, justice, and deterrence. I recommend that the steps to shorten the appeal time be taken and make the death penalty be a swift punishment. Some may argue that the death penalty in unconstitutional, I disagree. The eighth amendment states that citizens of the United States of America are protected from cruel and unusual punishment.
This is not a valid argument in my opinion because the constitution assumes lawfulness on the part of the citizen; this means that if one is obeying the laws most likely won’t end up in the defendant’s seat. The methods of carrying out the death penalty are quite humane. The death penalty offers a permanent guarantee that the convicted criminal will never escape or murder prison staff or fellow inmates. There have only been 8 people freed in the state of Arizona from death row, and this did not mean they were innocent specifically, just that they were no longer sentenced to death.
The benefits of the death penalty far outweigh the negative aspects. Death penalty being carried out lastly provides the victim’s family with closure and end to the ongoing appeals process. I predict that the death penalty will be around for many years to come and will grow more efficient being carried out. Society may never agree that the death penalty is right to carry out, but is a means to an end.
The death penalty goes back to eighteenth century B.C. in the Code of King Hammurabi of Babylon. The death penalty was punishment for all crimes during this time; the method was less than humane and was carried out by drowning, crucifixion, beating to death, burning alive, or impalement. In Eleventh century A.D. William the Conqueror would not allow anyone to be hanged except in the case of murder. In the year 1608, Captain George Kendall is the first known person recorded to be executed in the colonies. In 1632, Jane Champion is the first woman to be executed in the colonies.
In the famous essay by Cesare Beccaria in 1767 On Crimes and Punishment; he theorizes that no justification can be found in taking a human life. Beccaria was very much concerned with punishment being given only when the social contract was violated to ensure others abide by the rules. Beccaria argued that criminals must be judged on not their intent but the degree of injury the criminal caused. He believed that punishment was a tool to prevent future crime from occurring. Beccaria said that crime should be prompt, public, necessary, the least possible in the given circumstance and dictated by the laws. Beccaria was in the classical school of thought and considered a contemporary in his time, he believed that criminals could control their behavior and choose not to commit crime and could be deterred.
In the late 1700’s the abolishment movement begins in the United States. (DPIC, 2009)By the early 1800’s in the United States the penitentiaries are being built and the states are reducing their number of capitol crimes. In 1834 Pennsylvania is the first state to move executions to the correctional facilities. In 1890 the first man is put to death by electrocution in Michigan. His name was William Kemmler and his lawyer did appeal citing that electrocution is cruel and unusual punishment. (DPIC, 2009)
The early 1900’s marked the beginning of the “Progressive Period” of reform in the United States. The Progressive Era was a busy time the history of our country, everyone came together to make a better society in which to live. During this period of change nine states abolished the death penalty for all crimes or strictly limit the use of the death penalty. By the 1920’s-1940 the abolishment movement was losing support in America. In 1924 cyanide gas is introduced as a form of execution. By the 1930’s executions reached an all time high in American history of about 167 executions per year. In the year 1948 The United Nations General Assembly adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights proclaiming a "right to life.” (DPIC, 2009)
The death penalty was suspended during the summer of 1972, the case of Furman v. Georgia. Supreme Court effectively voids 40 death penalty statutes. The death penalty was reinstated in the 1976 case or Gregg vs. Georgia. Each state could individually decide if they wanted to practice the death penalty after this point. In 1977 Oklahoma becomes the first state to use lethal injections as a method of execution. In 1982 Charles Brooks becomes the first person put to death by lethal injection. In 1998 Karla Faye Tucker was put to death after many appeals and pleas for her sentence to be commuted to life from the pope and other religious leaders. In November of 1998 over 30 various inmates that were at one time on death row came together they had all been freed because of their innocence. The majority of these people had been freed on new evidence from new scientific techniques. (DPIC, 2009)
The Religious majorities in the United States from what I have gathered are the Catholics; they do not support the death penalty. The Judah Christian population do support the death penalty based on scripture from the Old Testament. The Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Assemblies of God has not taken an official position on the death penalty. The Amish have historically been the most opposed to the death penalty.
“Anyone who strikes a man and kills him shall surely be put to death.” Exodus 20:12. “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). This should not be used to indicate that Jesus rejected capital punishment in all instances. Jesus was simply exposing the hypocrisy of the Pharisees. The Pharisees wanted to trick Jesus into breaking the Old Testament law; they did not truly care about the woman being stoned. That is confusing to me if Jesus supported the death penalty or not.
Romans 13: 1-2 states, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” The Bible states several times that Christians are to stay out of political issues. The Bible is conflicting on the issue of death penalty in my opinion, it tells us “eye for an eye” and then “love your neighbor” this makes it hard to come to a definite conclusion regarding what the Bible supports.
In 1994, President Clinton signed the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act that expanded the federal death penalty to some 60 crimes, 3 of which do not involve murder. The exceptions are espionage, treason, and drug trafficking in large amounts.
In January of 1999 Pope John Paul II visited St. Louis Missouri and called for an end to the death penalty. Amnesty International believes that "The death penalty is the ultimate denial of human rights. It is the premeditated and cold-blooded killing of a human being by the state in the name of justice. It violates the right to life...It is the ultimate cruel, inhuman and degrading punishment. There can never be any justification for torture or for cruel treatment."
Most of the democratic countries in Europe and Latin America have abolished capital punishment over the last 50 years, but United States, most democracies in Asia, and almost all totalitarian governments retain it. The eighth amendment of the United States of America guarantees protection from cruel and unusual punishment and many people argue that the death penalty is cruel and unusual. In the case of Roper V Simmons the United States Supreme Court ruled that individuals under the age of 18 when a crime was committed could not receive the death penalty because in was considered cruel and unusual punishment. (Robinson, 2009)
In February of 2008 the Nebraska Supreme Court ruled that electrocution could not be used because it was cruel and unusual punishment. During the process of death by electrocution, it is unknown what truly happens to the human body. I agree that electrocution is cruel and unusual punishment and should not be practiced. Benjamin Franklin said, "It is better 100 guilty Persons should escape than that one innocent Person should suffer.” This statement makes a good point, what about those that are innocent? I realize that there may be innocent people in jail sentenced to die, and hopefully they will be cleared by evidence. The DNA evidence and different scientific evidence has progressed so much in the last decades that the judicial system can now sentence a person to the death penalty with a degree of certainty that they are guilty of their crimes. Erikson, J (2006)
In June of 2002 the landmark decision was handed down by the Supreme Court ending the execution of people whom are mentally retarded. In Atkins v. Virginia, the Court upheld it is a violation of the Eighth Amendment ban on cruel unusual punishment to execute death row inmates with mental retardation. (DPIC, 2009)
In the state of Arizona Between April 1962 and April 1992, no executions were performed. Six aggravating circumstances can be considered in deciding whether or not to impose a death sentence in the state of Arizona. Currently 123 inmates sit on death row in Arizona, 86 are Caucasian. Of the 123 inmates on death row only two are female. A total of 23 inmates have been executed in Arizona since 1992.
My recommendation as a consultant to the Department of Justice in the state of Arizona is to continue to use the death penalty. I find that the death penalty is a 100% effective guarantee that the sentenced criminal will not commit crime again. Death penalty would be more of an effective deterrent to other criminals if the sentence was carried out in a timelier manner.
The death penalty provides incapacitation, justice, and deterrence. I recommend that the steps to shorten the appeal time be taken and make the death penalty be a swift punishment. Some may argue that the death penalty in unconstitutional, I disagree. The eighth amendment states that citizens of the United States of America are protected from cruel and unusual punishment.
This is not a valid argument in my opinion because the constitution assumes lawfulness on the part of the citizen; this means that if one is obeying the laws most likely won’t end up in the defendant’s seat. The methods of carrying out the death penalty are quite humane. The death penalty offers a permanent guarantee that the convicted criminal will never escape or murder prison staff or fellow inmates. There have only been 8 people freed in the state of Arizona from death row, and this did not mean they were innocent specifically, just that they were no longer sentenced to death.
The benefits of the death penalty far outweigh the negative aspects. Death penalty being carried out lastly provides the victim’s family with closure and end to the ongoing appeals process. I predict that the death penalty will be around for many years to come and will grow more efficient being carried out. Society may never agree that the death penalty is right to carry out, but is a means to an end.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Today just started
I still can't even read the bible right now.....this is what bothers me if there is a God my God who I have always felt until this situation arose then why does my God allow this in fact why does he allow all the bad thi9ngs to happen? I was taught that nothing happens without God allowing it, He has a plan for everything right? Well what is his plan for me? I am supposed to continue to stand by my husband and ignore the fact I feel nothing towards him right now? I think I am very angry at God right now for allowing this....I just wanted to get married to a "normal" man that I could have a "normal life" with and have a bunch of "normal" kids what the heck is wrong with that......I am numb and angry and wish he could start counseling right away not wait until the 14th and he works a lot so i don't even know he is here except the hour he is here in the afternoon but he leaves early and comes home late and for that I am grateful. I feel so disconnected right now
Monday, July 6, 2009
First appt
He has the first appt on the 14th of July with a professional!!! so that's good and I am happy for him but I still don't know how I feel about him and whats going to happen......he is sleeping on the couch and he offered to find a place but even a cheap place is just not going to work right now I am really angry because I don't know how much this counseling is going to cost either ......for someone who preaches such high moral standards and how our country is getting to far away from our moral foundation....then he goes and looks at teenage girls doing nasty stuff HYPOCRITE !!!!!
whatever I am not God so I shouldn't judge him but he really makes my skin crawl, I still feel spiritually disconnected from God at this time which is a bad feeling usually when I go through trying times
whatever I am not God so I shouldn't judge him but he really makes my skin crawl, I still feel spiritually disconnected from God at this time which is a bad feeling usually when I go through trying times
Friday, July 3, 2009
Today
It is the day before fourth of july, one of my favorite holidays, we all dress the same get a picture taken and talk about how great our country used to be and how to fix it. I am a little depressed today....feeling a little sorry for myself why can't I have a normal life with a normal husband is this my testimony? am I supposed to help people struggling with addiction to pornography? Do I stick this out and fulfill my commitment to God? I had a beautiful wedding and remember speaking my vows and being so proud to be his wife and so proud to have God watching over our marriage.........I promised to be Jeremiah's wife in front of God thats kinda weighing heavy on me today......even though I hate him God I have to put on a show or what? I don't know maybe I am to logical because statistically if I stay in this marriage he will do it again and again and it will get worse I may get a disease or worse.......... my kids will have keep seeing me upset......... I don't know I want release I can't wait to go to work tonight I might sleep at Tiffany's he slept here last night and respected my boundaries and stayed away, I didn't even see him.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
the steps of porn addiction
1. Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door.
2. Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked. You can't quit.
3. Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start using porn that would have disgusted you when you started. Now it excites you.
4. Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn't excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can't find it.
5. Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world.
2. Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked. You can't quit.
3. Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start using porn that would have disgusted you when you started. Now it excites you.
4. Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn't excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can't find it.
5. Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world.
I am sooooo mad right now
I let him come see the kids....he was talking to me with an attitude..he is supposed to be staying here because I can't find any other place for him to stay and I am so frustrated what can i do i almost want to leave my home because i can't stand the thought of being under the same roof as him..... i am looking into hotels or rooms for rent for him....he has an attitude of self entitlement WTF I have gone through it for 9 years but i am supposed to be supportive still....i am all tapped out..... I can't take his minimizing bullshit!!!!!!! IT IS NOT OKAY he has the nerve to tell me to keep my mouth shut and he doesn't want the embarrassment....this ISN'T MY FAULT!!!!!! HOW EMBARRASSED AM I THAT MY HUSBAND IS A FREAKING PERVERT.........God help me right now
This isn't what I want
I woke up today starting to feel better about the possibility that this was going to turn out good. He has been staying out in chandler my dad has a huge house and lives alone. I didn't tell my dad why jeremiah needed to stay there my dad said he could stay. Now my husband calls me this morning and says he let my 20 yr old stepsister in last night....now my dad is in PA until the next week and I am thinking this is not acceptable for someone who has these problems to be around my young stepsister, so I don't know what to do..... that is his age preference and I don't trust him.....I told him that he can stay on the couch here and he is like I want to sleep in my own bed.....i don't want that we have a large living room he should sleep there or just go away and never be heard from again....god i am feeling dark today
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
can counseling help
I don't know if counseling can help, I am skeptical and hopefull, is this going to be my cross to bear, I keep praying for God to release me........from my marriage to say it's okay to leave it in the dust.......... If I walk away and it's against God it is ME breaking the marriage covenant, but hasn't my husband already broken it again and again and again? I can't feel God right now I feel dirty, ugly and a little depressed at best. I don't want to be married tto someone who can look me in the face and lie........this man doesn't bat an eye.... I know him so well and I see right through it. I just pray for release
Today
Today sucks.....
Today is hard to force a smile, the kids know something is going on, I have to cancel the family picture today and reschedule it I can't imagine being able to fake a smile that big right now. We are still doing fourth of july together with the kids. I don't know why I feel guilty, it has been years in the making....compounding incident after incident, I have never felt so much disgust for another person, and where is God in all of this I can't feel him right now which is scary. I haven't even tried to open my bible though, it feels like i failed
Today is hard to force a smile, the kids know something is going on, I have to cancel the family picture today and reschedule it I can't imagine being able to fake a smile that big right now. We are still doing fourth of july together with the kids. I don't know why I feel guilty, it has been years in the making....compounding incident after incident, I have never felt so much disgust for another person, and where is God in all of this I can't feel him right now which is scary. I haven't even tried to open my bible though, it feels like i failed
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