lonely

I am really lonely right now.........I hate that he messed stuff up and I have to suffer physically by not having any intimacy and feeling kind of depressed about it the whole thing is a mess............I never see him anymore cause he works 7 days a week now so I guess that is good part of me feels bad for him but I can't get past all he has done or can I and I am just going about it wrong? IDK!!!! I feel like I am losing my strength maybe it is because I haven't been reading the Bible? I feel so lost and alone right now............what is the purpose of this storm I am going through.......every time I start to feel bad for him I remember the day after his affair and he was with that nasty stripper and he said these words I will never be able to scrub from my brain " You just don't understand what she(stripper girl) has been through in her life and how bad she has had it" WTF .......This was like 6 months after giving birth to his son too! I don't know what to do with all this anger it is killing me can I really forgive him for my sake or is this just a waste of time to even try to fix........once a cheater always? I don't know